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“Whose Wedding Is This; Mine or My Mother’s?”

June 4, 2010

As beautiful and exciting as a wedding is, the preparation famously has its share of stresses. Among the issues that can make a bridezilla out of a bride is a mother (or future mother-in-law) trying to take over the plans.

For a mother, having a child get married is among her greatest joys. She’s proud, excited, and often financially involved. All these reasons can lead some mothers into the “too involved/taking over” zone. If your mother falls into this category, here are some ideas on how to deal: (you can find links to the great sites where I found these ideas below)

1. Remember that while your wedding is a big day for you, it’s also a big day for your mother. If her requests/desires for your wedding day are sentimental and/or she’s financing the ceremony or reception, it’s a good idea to hear her out. You can get your fiance’s opinion and perhaps try to compromise.

2. If there is a certain aspect of the wedding that your mother is paying for or that she seems particularly intent on having a certain way, consider letting her make the decisions in that area, especially if you’re not set on having it your way. Giving her a specific task to be responsible for may make it easier for her to leave you to your own decisions with other aspects of your wedding.

3. If a mother who is over-involved uses guilt-tripping, demands, or acting offended in an effort to be controlling or manipulative, calmly tell her that you’re sorry that she is upset but you’ve already made your decision. If she presses, continue to be polite and change the subject. Treat her as an equal adult and be assertive if she continues. This is a much better option than gossiping behind her back and holding a grudge.

4. Ask her to be involved, but not in decision-making. She can give ideas and help where help is needed (for example, help with seating charts). Ask for her advice and discuss your plans with her. It’s important for her to feel involved and vital to the process.

5. Thank her for her help and the effort she’s put into your wedding. A gift, or any show of appreciation, will mean a lot to her, as a child’s wedding planning can be just as stressful for the parents as for the bride and groom! Keeping the planning process smooth with minimal conflict is an important part of making a wedding a happy day for all who remember it.

Sources: 1. 2. 3. 4.

Images: 1. 2. 3.

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